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Originally Posted On: https://blog.findingtheone.com/2023/01/20/who-should-pay-on-the-first-date/

This topic has been on my mind lately and I warn you in advance there’s not a conclusive answer. Why should a female pay anything on a first date, especially if they’ve put in so much effort to look their best? After all, why should they spend money on transportation, a new outfit, makeup, and countless other expenses, only to be expected to pay for dinner or drinks?

It’s a question that’s been asked by many, and it’s a valid one. After all, a first date is an opportunity for two people to get to know each other, to see if there’s a spark, and to decide if they’d like to see each other again. So why should one person be expected to pay?

One side of the argument is that it’s a matter of etiquette and tradition. For centuries, it’s been the norm for the person who’s asked someone out on a date to be the one who pays and in most cases this has been the guy. This tradition has evolved over time, and today, it’s not uncommon for both people to split the bill, or for the person who proposed the date to pay and the other to offer to pay next time.

However, it’s important to note that while this tradition is still prevalent, it’s not a rule set in stone. Everyone has different views and expectations when it comes to dating, and it’s up to each individual to decide what works best for them. Some people might prefer to split the bill, while others might want the person who asked them out to pay.

The most important thing is to be clear about your expectations before the date. If you’re someone who’s not comfortable with paying for yourself, then it’s important to discuss this with the other person before the date. On the other hand, if you’re someone who’s happy to pay for your own expenses, then it’s equally important to let the other person know. Communication is key, and it’s essential to be upfront about your expectations to avoid any awkwardness or confusion. I know this is a difficult subject to raise but if you are the guy proposing a date you could use the words ‘I’ll buy you dinner’ when suggesting a date,  as an example.  This puts it firmly in the other person’s mind that you are consciously offering to pay for the date.

And what about the argument that someone has put in so much effort to look their best? Yes, it’s true that getting ready for a first date can be a time-consuming and costly process, but it’s important to remember that both people are doing the same thing. The other person has likely spent time and money getting ready as well, and it’s not fair to expect them to pay for everything simply because you’ve put in more effort.

It’s also important to consider the context of the date. If you’re going out for drinks or a casual lunch, it might be more appropriate to split the bill. However, if it’s a fancy dinner, then it might be more traditional for the person who asked the other out to pay. Quite simply with drinks you can often take turns but with dinner it’s one bill at the end and you don’t want to end up having a disagreement just as things were going so well.

Then there’s the dilemma of going down the traditional route only to find out the female has a much better job than the man.  Should this be factored in the equation? The answer to this question is subjective and can vary based on personal beliefs and values, sometimes even religion. Ask yourself this question: is arguing about the bill going to help move the relationship on?  Highly unlikely.  So better to discuss the issues of personal wealth further down the line.

It’s essential to remember that a first date is about getting to know each other, not about who pays for what. The focus should be on the conversation and the connection, not on the bill. Whether you’re splitting the bill or one person is paying, it’s important to be gracious and to show appreciation for the other person’s company.

Let’s keep the focus on what really matters.