Originally posted on https://www.phoenixfm.com/2019/04/02/top-reasons-shouldnt-friends-ex/

What happens after the uncomfortable and painful breakup? What happens when you both understand that the hurtful words exchanged were a normal and humane part of the grieving process? Is it okay to move to the “Let’s be friends” phase?

While some exes turn out to be great friends later in life, there are other reasons why you cannot be friend with your ex after the breakup.

It’s too torturous

Imagine hanging out with your ex, someone you shared your life with for months or years, then they say something that makes you smile, something that reminds you how good your relationship was, but you cannot kiss them. So, why would you want to put yourselves through that? How about the false hope? Because let’s face it – you might be over but when you try hanging out it means that you hope that there might be hope for the two of you – if not you, it’s what your ex feels. That false hope will leave you heartbroken over and over again, and it’s not healthy, at all. So, if you love yourself, don’t try being friends too soon after the breakup’.

You’re jealous and honestly, don’t want to see them with someone else

There will always be a conflict of interest in your new post-breakup friendship. You will hate them every time they mention their new bae. You won’t want your ex to see someone else. And if you’d be good and real friends, you’d know that being real friends means being happy for one another.

You cannot change the past

Regardless of how hard you try to move forward as friends, there are things you cannot undo from seeing each other naked to having sex. These are things that don’t happen in platonic relationships which means that you trying to be friends after breaking up is the most awkward thing you will ever do. Also, friends are expected to talk about their lives and trying to do this will make the conversation very awkward, very fast.

You need space

It sounds like a cliché, but you actually need real space from your ex after the breakup. You need time apart to heal. So, no matter how your ex insists on hanging out, you should not. Give yourselves time to breathe, accept what’s happened, and heal. Calls and texts after breakups are not going to help with the healing process.

It’ll damage your new relationship

Of course, you’ll move on from the breakup and your ex, and you might find the most wonderful person on earth after the breakup. But, if you remain friends with your ex, you’ll be jeopardizing your new relationship. Being friends with your ex is not, in any way cool and your new flame might run for the hills when they know that you still talk, and maybe even want your ex back.

Awkwardness around mutual friends

Who are you kidding? Your mutual friends know all too well that you dated, and they also know why you broke up. So, trying to look cool with each other – your friends have no idea how to treat you guys. Start meeting new people on popular dating apps like tinder, bumble, or w4m maps.

Finally, it’s not healthy. Your heart, mental and emotional well- being is important and being friends doesn’t help you to move with your life. Think of it as a new beginning, in which you are letting go of the past and creating a bright new future.